Dispatches from Wolf Country — When Luther played the Boogie Woogie

He's the most batshit of the three of 'em, has great name recognition through out the state and every snake handling, poison drinking, tongues babbling born again mother fucking preacher will be demanding that his parishioners vote for old Roy and Jesus.

It’s great when the emperor is Marcus Aurelius. It’s not so great when the emperor is Caligula.                                            (Elon Musk to Maureen Dowd, September 23, 2017)

In an Alabama Ass Whupin, while they’re beating your ass, they’re telling why they’re doing it…”You sorry useless SOB, You COMMIE!” and when they finish beating your ass and you’re there bleeding, they ask you, “Do you want some more?” and they’ll make you tell them, “Please, don’t beat me no more…” Patterson Hood and Mike Cooley, Drive By Truckers Banter

I’d rather be endorsed by Satan than Sarah Palin.                    Alabama Voter quoted in New Yorker

Although I was never assigned there and never lived there, I spent about six months of my career in Alabama and I actually like the place. It’s always struck me as being what it seemed to be; there’s a honesty in Alabama that’s based in pride in being from Alabama. There’s a real problem with people who get full of themselves, and act like they are special because…they’re special. They just won’t tolerate it. The state’s economy has changed and it’s not as rural as it was, but then is any place? There’s still a lot of social stratification, based on race, and economic status and whether you scream “War Eagle” or “Roll Tide!”

Good work ethic, strong religious roots, and kind of a welcoming vibe at times.

On the other hand, it’s not a particularly tolerant place. Racially, politically, religious beliefs, politics, patriotism — it’s pretty much the way it is is the way it was. Of course, the advent of nonunion European and Asian car manufactures there have had an interesting impact. Interestingly, Honda and Toyota have not done as well as Hyundai and Mercedes. The reasons, according to a conversation I had a few years ago with the head of Workforce Development for the State Government was that the Japanese car companies do have a racial charge to their cultures, so that any American is considered inferior to any Japanese staffer.

My acquaintance, who was also the state head of a major Veterans organization, told me that there was a simple difference. The car companies all paid a lot of attention to the appearance and cleanliness of the plant. However, in the Japanese plants, it was fairly common to see a Japanese manager see a piece of paper and immediately go and find an American worker to pick it up. In the Korean and the German plants, everybody was socialized that if they saw a piece of garbage on the ground, to pick it up and put it in the trash. It was a significant difference — one organizational set acted superior and dictatorial, the other acted in a way that was communal and democratic. Get it?

Although, one local writer and possible Democratic outlier put it this way:

Scary Clowns Alabama Style, JD Crowe, Alabama Media Group

Alabama has a serious creepy clown issue. But it’s not the ones hanging around in the woods scaring the kids that are the problem. It’s the ones we elect into office.” JD. Crowe, Birmingham Magazine

So, I have to wonder what the hell attracts them to Trump? If he found himself in a honky tonk or a juke joint in Gadsden or Tuscaloosa, he’d start shaking and then have to bathe in hand sanitizer. Some of the most egalitarian people I know do at heart love them some dictators.

So, it was interesting when I got a note from one of my friends wanting to know how I was handling the “show” and dealing with the reality of our incoherent, addled current state of affairs. I responded basically by saying not well, that I’m finding it exhausting. Trump has been president for three terms now, or it seems so based on the amount of lunacy and delusion and shit smeared on the Presidency, the Congress, the Courts, the environment and so on. Brian Williams made the comment the other night that “Every week creates a year’s worth of news now.”

Of course, it’s all based on smoke, mirrors, gross ignorance and stupidity, corruption and levels of psychopathic and sociopathic behavior that rivals the Rome of Caligula and Nero. I compared my feelings to those of Jesse Custer, the sinful preacher seeking God in the AMC Show Preacher.


Actually, I’m find the “show” exhausting. Have you watched Preacher at all? There’s a bit where the 50 generation or so grandson of Jesus and Mary Magdalene has become the Irish setter of human genetics and on his best days, is a moron called Humperdoodle. The Preacher comes in to see him on his journey to find God who is AWOL from Heaven, and while he’s telling God’s exponential grandson how happy he is to find him, Humperdoodle yanks out his crank and pisses all over him…In the time of Trump, the news and the analysis and everything is like that. Trump’s performance at the UN was so close to the President’s Performance in Idiocracy that I turned it off, and watched a Championship Rugby match from last year — London Scottish against Abeerdeen or something like that. 

So, I just continue to abide, so I wait, hoping to see the whole fucking non-military horde of the Trump administration marched off in matching jump suits not purchased from Ivanka’s line of clothing to a Supemax in, oh, South Dakota. All the hangers on, all the sycophants and parasites, all of them…just away. Trump Tower, Trump SoHO, Trump Toronto and Trump Istanbul all turned into free housing for homeless people and drug addicts and crazy motherfuckers who talk to themselves and keep asking, “Huh, what did you say?” to their audible inner voices. Melania to be deported to Slovenia or someplace; Barron can be fostered out to the Gates Family. 
And then Trump went back to Alabama. He went to Huntsville, and proceeded to redo his greatest hits all to sort of endorse a candidate for the Senate. Although, if his endorsee tanks, it will be bad for the Trump brand because the “Fake News” will say Trump wasn’t strong enough to get his candidate across the line, but…he’ll be a good man anyway. Oh, Trump says he feels like he’s from Alabama because they like him so much there…

So, I vented to my buddy.

Governor Bentley’s doppleganner, GQ Ohoyo

So, that fool decided to appoint Jeff Sessions to the Attorney General’s job. Fifty four or so senators agreed, even though he’s dumb enough to need weeding and fertilizer. Hillary Clinton says he’s a proud man, but what the hell could he be proud hell of? Anyway, he’s an Alabama version of a progressive, which means he only gets out his Klan robes when…well, I guess he does’t since he was quoted in sworn testimony as complaining that he liked the Klan until he found out a lot of them smoked pot. I suspect the good people of the state kept sending him back to the Senate to keep from scaring the animals and the children…The governor when Sessions ascended to crouch at the left hand of Jesus-misbotten son DJT as AG was about to be impeached and tried and probably hung for cheating on his wife with a staffer on the state’s charge cards… In Alabama, they can accept someone getting paid off to do favors, but overcharging the state is just not on. Horrors. Nepotism, favoritism, malfeasance and  Alabama has indicted governors before.

He works out a deal with the AG in the state to allow him to resign and drop the issue but before that he’ll appoint the old boy to the Senate to fill Sessions seat until the special election to fill comes along. AG’s name is Luther Strange, and he’s now the sitting junior Senator from Alabama and is running for election this fall.

Another batshit conservative guy who actually is a Freedom Caucus guy and a

Luther Strange Riding McConnell to a Full Senate Term, with the Donald’s Help–JD Vance, Alabama Media Group

member of Congress decides to run against him for the Republican nomination which is the same in Alabama as the general election, running as the true conservative and the less crooked choice of the two. However, the reason Strange was running  was largely due to an influx of money from the Senate’s Republican Campaign Committee, a wholly owned subsidiary of the winner of the Yertil the Turtle look-a-like grifter Mitch McConnell. The congressman is a bit of a maverick, and McConnell has watched Pauly Boy in the house wrestle with “The Freedom Caucus” so he doesn’t want him muddying up the Republican cloakroom.

JD Crowe, Alabama Media Group

So, out of nowhere comes Roy Moore. Well, out of unintended retirement after being forced out of the Alabam-damn-uh Supreme Court where he was chief justice over telling the Alabama justices to ignore the US Supreme Court over same sex marriages and the display of a big monument on public land of the ten commandments. He’s the most batshit of the three of ’em, has great name recognition through out the state and every snake handling, poison drinking, tongues babbling born again mother fucking preacher will be demanding that his parishioners vote for old Roy and Jesus. So, he came out of the woodwork just in time to get on the ballot for the primary, beat the field, and now he’s running against old Luther. 

Well, now Trump is headed down there tonight and will surely talk to his loving base — the only Trump rally I watched from start to finish was the one he had in Mobile as sort of a kickoff , and that was enough — about Korea, and NAFTA, and his Voting Suppression Commission, and Hillary and on and on and end up by endorsing Luther Strange.  Meanwhile, Sarah Palin, Kid Rock, and Ted Nugent are stamping around like a really bad string band for Moore. Who’ll win?

Voice of God as Jeff Foxworthy speaks to Roy Moore, JD. Crowe, Alabama Media Group

Well, I heard an analyst/reporter from The Daily Beast tell us that she thought that the people of Alabama would make up their own minds. Yeah, they will. They always do, but they are by nature contrarian so who can tell.  Tom Perez, the Clinton cabal supposed replacement for Debbie Wasserman Schmidt to run the DNC,  sent me an email telling me how important it was for the Dems to carry Alabama. Tom Perez is a hack and an idiot. In the general election, the Republican will win the election.  My informed what the Hell who cares silly wild ass guess is it will be Moore. The Democrat has the same chance of winning as you and I would of being featured musicians in a String Bean revival on the Grand Old Opry…on glockenspiel and theremin.
For the record, in addition to being a pundit, my pal is a professional part time bass player. He couldn’t handle the glockenspiel or the theremin.



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